Neither physical appearance nor money: when looking for a partner, they prefer “kindness” and “empathy”

In the world of emotional relationships, if there is something constant, it is that the rules change. And, lately, the changes are many and for the better. This stands out from a recent survey carried out by the popular dating app Bumble, among a thousand users. According to this work – done in a dozen Argentine cities – 86% of the respondents agreed: today the “kindness” is the most important quality sought in a potential partner.

“From the survey it caught our attention that items as ‘empathy‘ and ‘kindness‘were featured over other characteristics that were traditionally sought after until a few years ago. Today people pay attention to, for example, how their date treats strangers, like the waiter at the bar or the taxi driver. And that attention towards a character trait is even placed above what was ‘valued’ five years ago when professional ambition or work goals mattered much more. And, of course, also above the physical appearance of other times,” he told PROFILE Javier Tuírán, director of communications for the company’s region bumble. And he added: “Today our users say they highly value the compatibility of their personality with that of the possible future.” partner”. They also make it very important that both of their searches are compatible: for example, if they are after casual relationships or for something more serious.”

Of course, the concept of “kindness” is complex. “For each gender, being ‘kind’ or ’empathetic’ can be a different thing,” he told PROFILE Delfina De Achával, psychologist and neuroscience specialist. And she added: “There are studies that show that men have a more cognitive empathy, which understands what happens to women from an analytical and action perspective. On the other hand, women have a different empathy: for example, she strongly seeks to be heard and for there to be a more intuitive and emotional connection.

They launch an app designed for
provide emotional support

Obviously, some of the survey’s findings are logical. For example, as the average age of ‘users‘, a greater percentage reports being in search of long term relationships over contacts casual. But in other areas, significant changes are recorded.

“What I register is that currently in the meetings emotional maturity is sought, which implies freedom for each one, but with a emotional responsibility towards the other,” he commented to PROFILE counselor Laura Sigal. And she added: “In previous generations, the situation of having, at all costs, a family weighed heavily. And that even led to putting up with uncomfortable situations or certain unhealthy treatments. In recent generations today that doesn’t happen anymore. People value and care for each other more.”

Besides, SigalWhich is also sociologistHe added: “It is noticeable how most people currently make it a priority for everyone to have their personal projects. And that speaks of Today autonomy is highly valued and not depending on another to be happy. It is a notable change compared to the couples of the 80s or 90s, where the important thing was to be with a ‘better half’ and comply with the social mandate. Now, however, the search for someone who can add predominates.”

No to toxic people

On the other hand, in the last two years, tolerance towards possible relationships that have to do with toxicity has decreased, Tuírán explained. And this happens in all age groups that use this app. The data they found in the survey is that 63% of Argentines said that “they do not tolerate a toxic attitude in a partner”. And this number increases among millennial users where seven out of ten agree that ‘toxicity’ can no longer be part of a relationship.

On the other hand, 42% said they are “not willing to date someone who has no time for him/her. And 45% said they were not willing to have a meeting with someone who is not emotionally available or who cannot verbalize their intentions.

The fear of loneliness and toxic ties

Other research work carried out by this company offers positive signs on this topic. According to company officials, “74% of men say they have examined their behavior and claim to have a clearer understanding of ‘toxic masculinity’ and what is not acceptable”. On the other hand, 52% of men stated that “they are challenging actively push stereotypes that suggest men should not show emotions for fear of appearing weak. In the same sense, 38% stated that “they now express their emotions more openly with their friends of the same sex.”

“The experience of the clinic makes us see that today there is more and more awareness and visibility about acts that in other times were covered up and were not even discussed,” De Achával told this newspaper. And he summarized: “there have always been situations of violence in couples, but Now there is much more talk about mental health and people desire – and seek – greater health.” And this also extends to dating apps, where the protagonists propose, or expect from their potential partner, less “toxic” behaviors in the broad sense of this word.

The future of search

According to those responsible for the Bumble app, there is another phenomenon that is emerging and increasing. “We think it will become a strong trend in the coming years and it is what we call Open casting‘, Tuiran said. “Specifically, we see a trend when users respond to us that they are much more open to dating people who do not seem to be their ‘ideal type.’ In fact, 38% of those surveyed said they were ‘willing to meet someone they would normally “I wouldn’t consider an ‘ideal’ type, whether from physical appearance or in another personal matter.”

It is not the only “futuristic” trend in dating and finding a partner. Another phenomenon is that more and more people (33%) said they were willing to try out a relationship with foreigners, despite being of another nationality or having another native language. That is, people looking to try being with others who do not belong to their immediate geographical circle. “This seems to respond to the growing social phenomenon of ‘digital nomads’, workers who can carry out their work from any place in the world that has an Internet connection and take advantage of this option to travel, learn and live in other countries, without leaving their profession,” he explained. And also to look for company.

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